Why can't I say it this well?

Over Thanksgiving travels with family I saw the commercial for a new TV show call "Find My Family". It left an awfully bad taste in my mouth. I tried explaining why... but couldn't find quite the right words. However, a writer from Rainbow Kids did put into words why this trailer did not sit right with me (thanks Alisha for bringing up this thread).

"In the most exploitive and disparaging-of-adoption media effort yet, ABC will air a sneak peak of their new series Find My Family on Monday, November 23rd. With a sensationalized and soap-opera style, ABC will take viewers into the lives of adoptees and birth families in their Search to be reunited.

With the tagline " Some people have spent their whole lives searching for the one thing that matters most... Their wish will now come true. Let's find your family", producers completely discount any worth of the adoptive families who have loved and raised these children. Instead the show emphasizes the loss of a child's Real family' as the one-and-only central issue of all adopted children's lives.

The entire premise of this show is upsetting on so many levels. I encourage every family of an adopted child to prepare mentally for the public reaction, and the reaction of their children who may find themselves the sudden center of assumptions about their needs, desires, and personal feelings on their adoption.

This new series is being heavily promoted on ABC. Created by the producer of Extreme Makeover, Find My Family is laden with emotional angst and tearful moments meant to increase ratings and viewership. Unfortunately, the general public's opinion and understanding of adoption is largely shaped by the media. ABC's exploitive new series will focus on the most extreme issues in adoption, and is sure to have an effect on how our children's teachers, extended family, and friends view and accept adoption.

For years, the adoptive community has sought to rectify the past vilification of birth-parents as people who gave away their children. Birth parents are now widely recognized as the First Parents of children, deserving of love, respect, and understanding. It is in no one's best interest to turn the tables and begin to portray adoptive families as second-class, or less-than' a family created biologically. This new series is a step back for everyone.

Preparing a Younger Child:
A younger child should not watch this show, period. It focuses on emotional, adult-level identity issues and situations that are impossible for a young child to process.
Families can empower their children to deal with unwelcome questions from adults and other children by using the Wise Up! Workbook.
The holidays are a wonderful time to discuss the idea of families in general. What kind of families are there? Bringing adoption into a general discussion helps normalize the idea and emphasize tolerance and acceptance of all kinds of families.

Preparing Upper-Elementary and Middle School Children: Taking the Direct Approach
This is a wonderful age to start letting your child know that birth families, even if we have never met them, or may never have the opportunity, are part of our families. A welcome part. Whether to search or not in the future is your child's choice and has absolutely no relation to the way your child loves you. I should know, I'm adopted. My parents (and yes, I mean my adoptive parents) are my parents and I love them in a way I could love no one else. Searching for my birth family is about me, my identity. Let your child know when they are still young that you do not feel threatened, and you may receive the gift of open-communication throughout their teens.
Discuss the media, specifically as it applies to the marketing of ideas, forming of opinions, and exploiting of people for their own profit. It may also be pertinent to discuss the entire idea of people agreeing to have the most private, personal parts of their lives, filmed and put on television for the purpose of entertainment.

Let your child know that it is okay to have mixed feelings and changing emotions about any topic, including adoption. It's not a rejection of the adoptive family to wonder about birthparents, or life in another country.

If this series becomes widely-viewed, your child will receive very intrusive and personal questions. The show is meant to cast all adoptees as longing-for-their-lost-life. Practice, roll-play, be ready.

Search and reunion of adoptees and birth families is part of adoption, and always will be. All adoptive families and birth families are connected through our children, whether we accept that idea or not. Our children bind us. It is a precious, priceless connection. This show cheapens and sensationalizes what is sacred. ABC, your show is an insult, and hopefully a flop."

"Our Wait is Beautiful"

Recently referrals have once again slowed down to a snail's pace. This results in projections of wait times to once again be lengthened. Many prospective adoptive parents are upset. I stumbled upon the following message on one of our Ethiopian forum communities regarding a different perspective of waiting. Very powerful...

"I am sincerely sorry for everyone who has endured the endless delays of late. Waiting is grueling, which is only compounded when you don't know when or where the end will be. It cuts to the core.

What I am about to say does not change the hurt and the hard of the wait and it is in no way meant to belittle all of the emotions wrapped up in the wait.

Our wait is beautiful. We are waiting to say hello to our future. We are waiting with hope. Waiting with dreams of what will come and visions of family.

The families of our children are waiting to say goodbye. Waiting to kiss their cheek for a final time. To smell their sweet skin and whisper in their ears. They are waiting for loss. Loss that most of us will never have to bear.

And our children will wait too. They will wait for all that is known to return to them and yet it never will. They will wait to hear the whispers of those who love them again. Whispers they will never hear.

If children are not lingering in care. If the agencies we use are acting with haste and due care, then we should be at peace because a decision has not had to be made to say goodbye. There will be one more day. One more kiss. One more moment.

I wish I could go back in time and sit next to the important people in my daughters' lives and whisper in their ears. Just one more day. Give them one more day. Take your time. I will wait here as long as you ask me to."

Thanksgiving - through Erin's eyes!

I am getting a bit lazy on the photo taking department... only took one photo during the entirety of Thanksgiving celebrations. So, what follows is Thanksgiving through my sister-in-law Erin's perspective. Thanks again for sharing the photos Erin!

Our initial turkey festing and feasting began on Wednesday, with our traditional college friends gathering. We were thankful to the M's for hosting! So much good food and Franzia :). It was a later night than anticipated but we were lucky to be able to have the next morning free to sleep in and lounge in PJ's.

Michael's family Thanksgiving was held in Illinois. His uncle was excited to have Michael on a "tour" of brews that evening. You can see the two of them below discussing the specialty ale. Pretty nice new kitchen remodel as well!

Feeding my little prince some grapes ;) He was much more motivated to watch cartoons with his cousin than join in at the table that evening.

I do have an excuse for not taking photos the rest of the vacation... as I came down with the flu following Thanksgiving evening. Bummer. But Michael and his family were able to visit their Great-Aunt and have some fun with the kids as well. These 3 cousins always seem to take great pictures together.

Aunt Loretta was said to have really enjoyed the visit and had lots to talk about with Mehandis.

All bundled up for the trip home.

Today actually marks Mehandis's 3rd birthday... which I definitely will take more pics of. But the photos below showed how he started his day with us. Even though these pictures were taken last weekend, Michael, Mehandis and I went out for donuts before heading to school(s) and work.

He did wear something other than PJ's to the donut shop, but the smile was just the same!

Happy 3rd Birthday Mehandis :)

...plus mustard and relish

Okay here is the meat of what should have been in last blog entry!

Check out all the princesses in Mehandis's classroom. We went to join in on the "Costume Parade" following our potty party day. The princesses kept asking Handi to dance :)
But Handi was a bit more interested in catching up with his toys. Poor girls.

The next day was our Halloween and our neighborhood's trick-or-treat. Starting to look a bit like fall around here!

Mehandis had fun falling in the piles and then scooping the leaves back up again. I helped in making the piles as big as possible, and Michael teased that was the only time he has seen me rake. Guess he is gone too much?

Going old school with the costume exchange. Gotta start them young.

Tried to get a pic of the neighbor friends... but Handi nearly "fell" out of the frame. Gave us quite a good laugh at the time :)

Take 2.

This was actually the end of our visit with good friends whom we have a lot in common with... including soon-to-be 3 year old Ethiopian cuties.

We had a marvelous time walking along the lake shore, sharing lasagna and laughs.

Mehandis and Tizu wore each other out quite well by the time they had to say goodbye.

More outdoor fun for Michael, Mehandis and I at Lapham Peak. Gotta fit in as much outside time as possible while the weather is still above freezing! We have even had picnics at a nearby park (in the dark) the past two Fridays. Trying to appreciate what we've got right now!!!

Ketchup Time!

Ah man. I have let time slip by once again. Always harder to jump back into writing when I know I have so much catching up to do.

Think I will start off with a conversation starter that we use at school, "Bummer & Brag". My bummer could be that wait times for #2 are officially announced to be up to 24 months now... but I don't feel too bummed right now. Hmmm, how many brags can I have? I want to brag that I think Mehandis will be officially potty trained by next "billing cycle" in daycare's eyes (very important that they recognize this milestone as our rates go dramatically down!). Also feeling good about some fun times we have had this past month. Picnics at dusk, book(movie) club staring up again, get togethers with neighbors, late night Halloween happenings and playdates with our "Ethiopian" connections. Let's keep these fun times rolling!

Okay onto the pics... some hightlights of the past couple of weeks.

Umm, new bummer can't get the pics loaded. Stay tuned to the soon to be released next entry!

35

Last Saturday I celebrated my 35th birthday... and I feel pretty good about it. No, it isn't an age that I ever anxiously awaited (as I did with 16, 18, etc...) but I am happy with where I am. So here starts another list to share 35 things I that I am thankful for today.

1. I have a warm cup of coffee in a Winnie the Pooh mug (a mug that was given to me as a gift by one of my first 2 year old students).
2. When I look outside my office I see a grassy soccer field and colorful trees.
3. I have a window in my office (yes... I admit I am writing this during my lunch break at work).
4. My son wakes up with a smile on his face and a cheery "Good Morning" greeting.
5. Our neighbors are kind and enjoy each other.
6. My husband celebrates my birthday in ways he knows I like.
7. The season of fall is here.
8. We live only 30 minutes from Lapham Peak which offers awesome hiking (and fall colors as seen in these pictures).
9. My hair is curly again.
10. My family is healthy.
11. I am able to run which helps me keep up with the littlest runner in our family.

12. My girl friends still value annual get aways.
13. My aunts and uncles along with Michael's extended family continue to be connected to us.
14. Rummage sales and re-sale shops are hip again.
15. I don't need to cut coupons anymore since Aldi is cheap enough.
16. Tears and laughter come easily.
17. I think I can pretty readily embrace change.
18. While our calendar gets quickly filled up with obligations many of these offer opportunities and outings.
19. Our home has a fireplace.
20. I am quite good at Scrabble.
21. Live streaming music is possible from out of state stations.
22. My basement actually looks somewhat tidy (unless you look towards the front of the house).
23. Digital TV really has improved our reception.
24. Rachel Ray taught me how to make a rue.
25. My book club helped me learn all of the incredible traits of Julia Child.

26. Michael is my husband.
27. Mehandis is our son.
28. Mehandis seems pretty excited about "Little Sister" whom he frequently says he is saving or giving things to (no we do not know if it will be a sister or brother... but he has decided).
29. Martha Stewart has awesome paint color combos.
30. All of our rooms are already painted, so only touch ups really needed now.
31. Our neighborhood has great curb-side give aways.
32. My recent DMV picture turned out well (at least they told me when to smile - sorry Peter).
33. I have friends who celebrate me and my quirks.
34. All of the experiences I have had have led me to what I have.
35. There is much to look forward to.

Outside Fun with Friends

We are so lucky to have had incredible neighbors move in next door to us last winter. Although we didn't really get to know them until the temperature warmed up later in the spring... they are a great addition to our block and as friends to our family.

Mehandis and Brooks are close in age and due to living in close proximity, easily share their toys with one another. Most of these toys tend to be trucks and cars... which are all now pretty dented up. You could never guess why?

Here are the boys sporting their "hunting vests" during our recent block party. The only "hunting" that was done was by Michael and I who kept trying to catch Mehandis up and downt he street :)

Here's to more inside time that is soon ahead... but warm friendships that will continue.